Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
