Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
