how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Congratulations! We have a period
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
