I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
