By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
