absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize