How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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