and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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