There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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