I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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