Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
