Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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