Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
