Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
