1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
