My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
