I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
