NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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