I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she smelled like a LAN party
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
