Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
