I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
