Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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