I wish I could teleport
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
