That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
