She announced her abortion via fbk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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