Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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