Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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