Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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