hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
