Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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