what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
