I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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