I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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