I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
