sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
