i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
