So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
