matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize