i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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