OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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