Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
