i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
