You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
