DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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