the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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