Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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