things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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