Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
