How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
