I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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