toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize