i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dignity is for republicans.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
