I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
