Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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