Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize