Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize