A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
