you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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