I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
