oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
