Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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