yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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