phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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