it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
