Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
