we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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