Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
