I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
