I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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