were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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